I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

And you thought I was an idiot? Good luck American people